Writing and Family

To write or not to write?  My kids wear out my name by the end of each day.  I hear "Mom" repeated more than I hear any other word in the English language.  Really, I love it.  Most of the time.  But, the question of the day is how to fit in time for myself.  Writing has become such an outlet for me.  It has become harder to stay up late or wait until nap time.  Sometimes I feel the words surging through my brain, and they have to be written down immediately.  With a memory like mine, ideas are like specks of dust floating in the air.  They are only illuminated for moments before they vanish... settling on top of millions of thoughts that never amounted to anything.   It is imperative, even necessary, for me to write when the urge hits.  But, I promised myself long ago that nothing would come before my family.  My ideas aren't as valuable as my children.  But, just how valuable are they?  I am trying to determine where writing fits into my already full life.

I am tempted to make a list of all my justifications for my selfish pastimes.  Yikes, there is more than one! Writing is definitely moved to slot  #1.  Can't I just name a character after my child?  They will love me after they read my books.  They don't really need me to actually pay attention to what they are saying.  And, if I wait to make dinner, then when my husband gets home we can do it together.  I just need to write one more word, one more sentence, one more paragraph, one more page.  My heart must be shrinking... 

I am learning.  I am still figuring out how to balance everything.  Everything sure sums up a lot of responsibilities and obligations.  When I read a great book, my thoughts now turn to the author.  It is always intriguing to me to see that there are other authors that are mothers just like me.  My first thought is always, "They must neglect their children.  How else could they have written a novel?!"  Now that I have almost completed almost three novels (all in the editing stage), I am seeing that it is possible to be a mother and writer at the same time.  It just takes lots and lots of patience... for both.

In this ever-evolving life, I seem to learn new lessons everyday in what I can and can't expect of myself and my day.  My latest lesson learned is the power of the doer.  I can do a lot if I just do it.  Doers cut out the unnecessary and pack in the good stuff.  I don't need nuts in my brownies--just the good stuff--the chocolate.  I can skip out on facebook or tv shows, and I can take the kids to the park, spend time with them, and then on a good day, I can use the extra minutes to hone my craft.  This has been my practice lately, and it is actually working.  It isn't ideal, but then again there isn't any growth in a perfect situation.  Surprisingly, when I get my priorities straight my writing seems to be better!  Less time is allotted to writing then I would like, but I am seeing progress!  Progress makes me very, very happy!

Since I already admitted that I have a tendency to justify my selfish pursuits, I will say that this blog post has been very therapeutic and an entirely un-hypocritical use of balanced time.  I am excited to record other snippets of what I've learned though my writing journey and hopefully it will help someone else. As I said, I am still figuring it out.  Wish me luck.  I have a story that is bleeding because it's unfinished, and I am the only one that can make it whole.  I also have four children that need me all. the. time.  Forget the luck.  Wish me super powers!